Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
