You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
