Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
