I think I won the penis lottery.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Randomize
