do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
