i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
