I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
