Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
