i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
