He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
