you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
