So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
