Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
