remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
