you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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