cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
