dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
