i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
