so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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