Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
