Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
