Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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