Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
