I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
