YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
