No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
FUCK WHALES
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
