yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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