I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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