you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
