my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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