So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
