the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
