Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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