D3 body, D1 cock
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
