get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The air taste purple.
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