he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
