Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
