there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
