Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
