I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
