He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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