break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
