we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
