Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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