I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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