Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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