I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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