Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
