A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
