Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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